There’s no one- Absolutely No one-
you can depend on except for us girls.
NO BOYS ALLOWED!
Here’s a lil Mother Goose rhyme that
says it all
What are little
boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"
“O no! Have u heard?!? Jan said.
“What?” her sister, Amy said. “What happened,
Jan?”
“There was a meteorite shower last night,
right?” Jan explained. “All and the male race was wiped out.”
“OMG!”said Amy. “What about Bobby?” Bobby was
her estranged husband.
“All gone,” said Jan sadly But inwardly she
was happy, doing somersaults insides because she despised all and any men she
came across.
Jan and Amy are both identical twins sisters
with 2 minutes apart. Although Jan is the younger old twin and Amy the older
one, sometimes she felt like the older twin due to her sage and wise advice.
They got brown hair and had heterochromia, which meant they had different color eyes.
They’ve lesbian
parents, whose mother Lara got pregnant with them through one of her open
relationships, which was still going on, but they’ve moved into a commune.
Bobby and Amy had adorable identical six-year-old twin girls, Carla and Darla,
who were away at an all-girls boarding school, Sweetcuffs Boarding School for
Girls, which was run by women only- their motto was simply: Girls Rule; they’ve
been there since pre-k. They were blond but also were hererochromia.
Jan despised all and any men because Amy had
been having a lot of difficulty with men, and Amy always went to Jan to solace
in the form of turning to the bottle-Amy was an alcoholic-or a shoulder to cry
on when she couldn’t take it anymore or even when she felt drastic a couple
months she attempted suicide. Jan thought Bobby was the scum of the earth for
leaving poor Amy cause even when they were kids Amy was always clingy-she
tended to lack self-esteem.
Jan herself was an accomplished career women,
having open her own business in shoe design and was about to open a new café.
Her short-term plan was to become her own boss. Next step was to have her own
business. Thirdly, she wanted to expand it to a franchise.
Having designed shoes for all the major shoe
companies and making a huge profit at it, she decided to aim higher-she wanted
to design a specific shoe for multi-purposes like running, walking, etcera for
women. Having designed the shoes and then having rejected by all the major shoe
companies that are mostly run by men, she decided to form her own shoe company.
She always did had this free-spirit attitude
about her, and no one can denied her that.
Anyway when she heard the news that men were
depleted from the planet, outwardly she was sad but inwardly she was jubilant.
”Amy, Sweet Amy,” Jan whispered, hugging her
close. “Are you alright?”
“No, I’m not.” Amy replied. “I’ve got to call
my girls. See if they’re alright,” hurrying off while drying her tears quickly
on sleeve.
Amy ran off to a quiet place to make a call
to her darlings. Darla and Carla, her
prides of her joy, were sheltered since babyhood, so they didn’t know about the
catastrophe that laid ahead.
Said Amy to Carla, the eldest twin by 30
seconds; she sometimes seemed older than her six years, “Life will never be the
same again.”
“What do you mean, mommy?” Carla asked
worriedly.
“Just close to your sister-at all times,”
“But you got me so worried, mommy.” Carla
cried. “Whatsamatter?”
“Okay, if I tell you, will you promise not to
tell your sister. You know your sister won’t be able to handle it.”
“Okay, okay,” said Carla. “Now will you
tell me?”
“The world, as we know it, has been depleted
of mankind. There is no more male race from this moment on.”
“You gotta be kidding me!” said Carla both
astonished and shocked.
“Yes, sweetheart, it is, without a doubt, the
truth.”
“How’ll I be able to keep this secret from
Darla? Carla agonized. “She’s been seeing this young man, Erik who is twelve.
She thought Erik had stood her up.”
“Okay, if you must tell her, break it to her
as gently as you could” Amy finally consented.
“What about Daddy?” Carla asked. “Is he
alright?”
“No I’m afraid he’s not,” said Amy
disappointedly. “He’s one of the many male casualties “
“Oh no!” Carla screamed into the phone.
“Darla! Darla! Come quick! Daddy’s dead!”
“I’m back, Mom,” said Carla, sobbing. “What do
you want us girls to do?” Both girls were close to their father, but Darla was
the tomboy of the two-the son their father never had
“Just stay where you are-you girls are safe
where you are,’ said Amy morosely.
While Amy was talking to her daughters, Jan
was celebrating the coming of a new age. She brought the champagne out and was
drinking to ‘love, joy and queendom of that is sweet! No more rotten boys to
rot away at our core! Oh yeh this is the day to celebrate! Probably was struck
down by the meteorite because they were killing each other through war, no more
guys to beat us when we’re down, no more violence at the hands of those male chauvinistic
pigs. Slimeballs! They deserve to die!”
At the moment her twin came back and heard the
end of Jan’s monologue. “THEY DESERVE
TO DIE. HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING!?!” she screamed in tears.
“But you always have told boys gave you such
grief,” Jan pointed out.
“It doesn’t mean I want them to die,” Amy
cried.
“Okay, okay,” Jan relented. “You’ve always
been boy-crazy, even when we were teens.”
“Boys may be a total turn-off for you, but I
love my boys.”
“Wanna have a drink, sis?”
“Yes, please,” Amy replied. “How about vodka
with OJ on the side? Thanks so much, baby.” She drank whenever there was pain
involved to avoid dealing with emotional distress. In this case, she was
stressing over losing guys.
Meanwhile Amy’s darling twins decided to come
home due to the loss of twins’ father and Darla’s boyfriend Erik since they
can’t even concentrate on their schoolwork. Actually, Sweetcuffs closed down
temporarily because none of the girls could even concentrate because their
fathers or male relatives had died in the meteorite shower.
Even though Amy’s twins were only six years
old, they were able to take the train by themselves. They were arrived just as
their aunt Jan was about to carry their sleeping mother upstairs. They saw the
empty bottle of vodka and empty carton of orange juice, which so happens to be
their mother’s favorite combination.
“Hush!” whispered Jan, carrying Amy upstairs.
“Be right back. I’ll deal with you two in a moment.”
Jan carried her sister up the creaking stairs,
cradling her in her arms. Amy’s long hair was falling nearly touching the
carpet.
When Jan reached Amy’s room, she placed her
gently on her bed, brushing her damp hair back and kissing her forehead. “Amy,
my dear girl,” Jan whispered oh-so-softly, “we’re better off without boys in
our lives,” turning on the night light and leaving the door ajar, just the way
she always had liked it (even she had kids of her own).
As Jan came down the stairs, missing the
creaking stairs this time around, she called out to her sister’s twins. “Carla,
Darla!”
“Hi Auntie Jan,” called Carla and Darla.
“Why are you girls home?” Jan asked.
Carla replied, “School’s closed. What
happened to Mom?”
“She’s just tired, had a long day, needs a
nap.”
“Did you do something to her?” Carla, the
smarter one and the one who got right to the point, asked. “Is she drunk? “No,
she’s not drunk,” said Jan dismissively. “She’s my sister. Why you little girls
asked such questions? You don’t know anything about anything.”
“Are you calling us stupid?” Darla finally
spoke up.
“No, stop putting words in my mouth,” said
Jan
“We see empty vodka and orange bottles
lying around.” Carla insisted. “That’s Mom’s favorite combo.”
“Okay, I give,” Jan said. “So I did get
your mom good and drunk. That’s cause she was making a great fuss about the
meteorite shower.”
“That killed all of the male
species,” said Darla. “Including our father and my boyfriend.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised, Auntie Jan,” said
Carla, “if you wish all of the men to be killed off.”
“Me?” Jan said innocently. “I didn’t do
anything.” As a matter of fact, she prayed for something to happen to the men
of this world the night before. And lo and behold, something incredible did
happen.
“It is a known fact that you hate men,
Auntie Jan,” said Darla. “You hate men so much, you’re a lesbian. You probably
wish every living male species would be killed off, become endangered and
whatnot.”
“Alright,guys, I mean, girls, let’s make
good of a bad situation.” Carla intervened. “Let’s not make do of what we got.”
“But how can we survive without men, boys,
whatever?” Darla asked
“The way we always had,” Jan said. “We
never need oversexed, sex-crazed, sports fanatics high-testosterone creeps in
our lives, do we now?”
“No I guess not,” Darla said.
“They are the ones who cause this planet to
be overpopulated, not us womenfolk. ‘Cause they enjoyed getting laid, not us.
Our main goal is just to satisfy them.”
“Whatevs, Auntie Jan.” said Darla
dismissively.
“Alrighty, girls,” Carla said. “Let’s just
call a truce.”
“Okay, okay,” Darla said, “truce, shaking
on it.”
“Let’s agree to disagree, okay?” asked Jan,
shaking her niece’s hand..
“Okay,” said Darla.
After agreeing to disagree and do more work
teamwork and less fighting, they broke up into groups of four. True, there were
only 3 people since Jan can’t even trust her own sister because of her drinking
problem. But Jan had some connections being a top-notch criminal pro-bono
lawyer for the defenseless. She contacted her go-to girl, Ira, who’s also her
best friend and her paralegal and assistant to many of the politicos in their
town of Honeycomb Beach, including the DA, Lana Osby
“Hey girlfriend,” said Jan upon reaching
her
“Excuse me?” asked Ira. “Who is this?”
“This is your bestie, Jan,” Jan replied.
“Oh, it’s you, no time to chat now,” said a flustered Ira “We’ve a crisis;
everything’s chaotic here!”
“That’s why I was calling,” said Jan. “I
want to make things easier for you.”
“I’m listenin’,” said Ira, taking 3 gulps
of Vitaminwater.
“There are no more male species, right?”
said Jan. “What I’m thinkin’ is, we should get 4 girls and divide them up,
North, South, East and West and have ‘em patrol the world. Got it?”
“Got it! But what about my duties as an
assistant to the DA?”
“Leave it,” said Jan firmly. “We’ve got
more important things to worry about.”
“Okey dokey,” said Ira, “just lemme get my
girls ready and I’m off.”
“Your girls?” said Jan. “You mean your
entourage?”
“Yeah, that,” said Ira. “With that big
task, I can’t go about it alone.”
“I
see what you mean,” agreed Jan.“I guess you’re right. We divide into teams of 4
to go to North, South, East & West, okay? Sounds like a better plan?”
“Much,” said Ira. :Okay, break!”
“Let’s synchronize our watches when we’ll next
meet.”
“Okay, let’s do it!”
After Jan told the twins the plan, they
decided to get their friends together to form
form a
group to survey the areas they’ve been assigned to watch over. The twins and
their friends were to watch the Northern and Southern parts of the world while
Jan and Ira and their friends were to patrol the Western and Eastern parts of
the world.
After
they synchronize their watches, they set off with their entourages to their
assigned destinations. The twins went off separated for the first time evah,
Carla and friends went off to the Northern part of the world while Darla and
her groupies went off to the Southern part of the world. Ira and her friends
decided they want to go to the Western part of the world while Jan and her
friends had no choice but to choose the Eastern having all parts of the world
already being chosen
At
first, the twins were sad to leave each other but knew they would see each
other very soon. They gave each other a long bear hug. Carla said, “Be careful
out there, honey. Luv ya.”
“With
all my hart,” said Darla.
“What’ll
we do about Mom?”
“Just
leave her here,” replied Jan. “She’ll be alright for a few hours. I already
locked the liquor cabinet, so there’s no problem. Ready, girls?”
“Ready!”
they chorused.
In
the devastation was ginormous; everything was in total and complete chaos. All
of womankind was stunned, stupefied. They can’t believe it. Jan and friends
were in the Eastern part of the world and the devastation was terrible.
Although it was a 3rd world country, the people were mourning over
their dead male relatives, whom they depended on for their livelihood. They
women may be fieldhands, but the men provided the moolah. They did the
heavy-duty work like chop wood, sell meat, etc, but without the men in their
lives, how would they be able to survive?
In
the Western part of the world, hearts were breakin’ everywhere. Even people
with alternative lifestyles. They were mourning over male relatives, male
companions, male friends. Nobody was celebrating, not even those loathsome
man-haters. They acted like the world was ending, for pete’s sake. They just
dropped dead in their tracks and cried as if the world had just ended. And in a
way, the world had just ended. Even on
the street women were bawling their eyes out.
They didn’t care who saw them because everybody was crying anyways.
In
the Southern part of the world, Darla’s area, where people were scant, there
was not much to see but polar bears lookin’ for the young’uns aimlessly. Also,
there were no men out to hunt and gather food in the jungle anymore, so the
women have to fend for themselves with what they already had.
In
the Northern part of the world, there was no more Santy Claus, only Mrs. Claus
and what’s remaining of her female elves. So there’s no more Christmas. Also,
there no more Eskimos men, Eskimo women. The Eskimo men did the hunting and
gathering. Without men, the Eskimo women won’t be able to survive. Also,
there’s no more Northern lights cos that was controlled by men.
When
Carla and Darla and Jan and Ira rendezvoused at Jan’s place at the synchronized
time, they reported that women were weak and needed male companionship.
“This
is not so!” Jan said. “We could so do without male companionship. We need to
send out a public service announcement that we can rise up without men; we do
it without ‘em!”
“Yes!”
the teen twins rose their fists high in the air together. “You go Auntie Jan!”
“Yes,”
said Ira, “but you’re all talk and no action. We can send out a public
broadcast announcement, but who would listen? Everybody everywhere is mourning
for their lost one.”
“We
can at least tried,” said Jan.
“I
guess trying never hurt anyone,” said Ira reluctantly.
“Remember
our school’s motto: Girls Rule?” Carla asked.
“Yeah,”
said Darla slowly “What about it?”
“My
poor misguided sister,” said Carla sympathetically. “Well, now that all of male
species are gone,” continued Carla, “we can put it into practice by showing
those clingy girls that girls can do stuff even better than guys. 1000 folds
better even!”
“Yeah,”
roared Darla. “That’s the ticket! Wegirls rock!”
The
teen twins and Jan and Ira sent out the PSA, via the WWW and doing old-school
advertisements in all forms of media which included print, which included
bulletin boards, magazines, bus stations & subways. Pretty soon all the
advertisements were filled with the PSA. And the PSA on the WWW had gone viral.
It said the following:
Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz!
Listen up. ladies!
You are not weak, fragile, clingy creatures-
you can do without men
Men just want us to satisfy their sexual urges!
Let’s be stronger that-
we can carry on without our male subordinates!
We are mighty than those L-O-S-E-R-S!
We need to regain our own respect for ourselves-
not depend on some Neanderthals!
this is not a X--rated
advertisement
Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz!
When
all the women in the world got wind of this message, grrl did they realized the
people-Carla and Darla and Ira and Jan- were right, so they decided to do
something about it.
First
off, the ladies of the world decided it wasn’t worth it to mourn over the loss
of the male friends. Men, they thought, are just a buncha freeloaders and
emotional excess baggage.
They
could do things 1000 times better than men-those scumbags-could and they
did. In the East, the women following
in the footsteps of the menfolk learned how to chop wood, sell meat. At first,
it was oh-so-hard, then they got they got the hang off it.
Everyday is a work-in-progress.
Over
in the West, that’s right, men are worthless, who needed them anyway? We can do
things way better than ‘em any old day. It is called self-reliance. We don’t
need no men to help us out. They never helped us when we asked ‘em to anyways.
They’re really pathetic. What am I doing crying over ‘em anyways? I’m wasting
my time crying over spilt milk. We can do things without worrying about
consulting our guys. We can always have girls’ night our. Life is lookin’ up.
In
the Northern and Southern parts of the world, the ladies went hunting. They
knew how to do it cos they saw their men done it a million times before. Monkey
do monkey see. Watching seemed easy, but actually doing it? Not so much. In the
beginning, it was so hard. Since all the animals were all of the female
species, it was much easier to catch. All you have to do was get the said
animal away from its babies. If you got the babies first, then the mama animal
will be furious.
The
women hunters didn’t realize this till the end when they attacked the unguarded
babies because it was easier, but the mama animal sensing danger hurrying back
as quick as lightning. The women hunters, who were scared out of their wits,
decided to try another day.
Next
day, they tried again, only this time, they decided to aim their
weapons, which were inherited from their male friends, at the mama animal. They
decided to sneak up behind the mama animal
The
headhunter, a woman named Carlita who had gone hunting with her husband, knew
that you should attack the mama animal first. She also knew how to use a rifle.
“Quiet
now, ladies,” Carlita whispered.
But
one of them accidentally stepped on a twig. CRACK!
“Hush!”
Carlita tried to hush the other ladies
But
it was too late. The mama animal turned with a low growl.
“C’mon,
somebody, shoot ‘er“ screamed Carlita, “before she gets us!”
All
the women were panicking, running in every which way; only Carlita was left
behind. There was no choice; it was up to her to shoot the mama animal.
With nobody left but her to defend the mama animal-showing girls were a buncha
wimps-she shot the mama animal right between the eyes, not knowing what hit
her. After she shot the mama animal, she took the carcass, leaving behind the
babies whining for their mother.
Back
at camp, she called her so-called friends out. “You guys are a buncha wussies.
You left me standing out there alone. You’re my back-up. Where were you guys
when I needed you?”
“Looks
to me you got the animal without our help.” Johanna pointed out.
“Yeah,”
Carlita said. “But I could’ve gotten help with the babies. We could’ve used the
babies to make clothes or something.”
Up
in the North Pole, there was now no more Santy Claus. But there were all those
female elves and Mrs. Claus. Mrs. Claus
oversaw the running of the kitchen. Usually, the female elves baked Christmas
cookies and other Christmas goodies, which included fruitcakes of all kinds.
Delectable! (That’s how Santa Claus was so heavy-set because he ate a lot of
goodies all throughout the year!) The male elves usually made the presents for
all those good girls and gave a bag of coal to the naughty ones while Santa
Claus checked off whose been naughty or nice. (How does he do it? Is he like
God or something?)
Now that there’s no more Santa Clause, Mrs.
Claus must take over the duties that used to be used Santa Claus’. Not only
must she coordinate the kitchen that baked the Christmas cookies and other
Christmas goodies, she must also run the elves workshop that used to be run by
male elves but now needed to be run by female elves. She gotta checked whose
been naughty or nice; if they’ve been nice they’ve received their heart’s
desires. On the other hand, if they’ve been naughty, they’ve only received a
bag of coal. They’ve no choice, otherwisei there would be NO MORE CHRISTMAS!
And we can’t have that, can we, now? Also, in order to replace Santy Claus on
the sleigh, with the 7 reindeers herding them forward, she must deliver the
presents to the good little girls (since there’s no more Santa Claus, imposter
or the real deal) since Santy Claus was male and all male species were wiped
off the face of the earth.
The
female ruler of world came about when the whole world voted for youngest
teenage girls in the world, which so happened to be Carla and Darla. Since
Carla clearly was the smarter one, and Darla the ditzy, perky one, Carla became
the female ruler of the world with Darla being Carla’s sidekick.
The
female ruler of the world abolished all prisons and replaced by reformatories
and rehabilitation centers, where women can change their lives for the better.
The female ruler turned all prisons into rehabs or reformatory. Prisoms may be
a waste of taxpayers’ money, but reformatories and rehabilitation centers are
court-appointed. If women broke the law, they have to go to reformatory. Or if
they do drugs or cited for DUI, they must go to rehab. If girls up to adult age
that would be 18 years of age, committed a crime, they would be sent to a
reformatory for crimes other than doing drugs or underage drinking. But there
are also adult reformatories, where women learn a trade or a skill free of
charge- otherwise known as community college. But in this case, instructors
from a community college were brought into teach these women.
Population
was controlled because no sex-crazed, testosterone-filled boy wanna boned up
with some silly boy-crazy, two-timing, backstabbing girl. Before the meteorite
shower, whenever boys made out with girls, and one led to another, they almost
always ended up in each others’ beds. 9 out of 10 girls at the local high
school from the upperclass were pregnant or have babies (8 out of 10 girls from
the lower class have babies or pregnant), but the fathers were too
irresponsible to own up to their mistakes. The parents have to kicked ‘em out
or they have to take care of the babies on their own.
After
the meteorite shower, however, there were no more boys, so no more hot, horny
foreplay from the guys. To the girls who were already pregnant or already have
babies, well, they’ll just have to deal. I mean, they never have the support of
the baby daddy in the first place. They could handle it. They are made of
tougher stuff than this. They don’t and won’t lead on any man for help. They won’t break now. They gotta show a
whole new generation of women that they can stand on their own two feet without
relying on men to bailing ‘em out. They’re no damsel in distress, like ‘Woe is
me.’ No siree. They’ll stand tall. They’ll survive-they’re survivors. I mean,
who gave birth to ‘em? Us women did. We were in labor a million hours, ok
that’s an exaggeration, maybe half a day.
