Girls (Absolutely, Positively Without a Doubt) Rule!!!

There’s no one- Absolutely No one- you can depend on except for us girls.

NO BOYS ALLOWED!

Here’s a lil Mother Goose rhyme that says it all

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !"
What are little girls made of?
"Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

“O no! Have u heard?!? Jan said. 

“What?” her sister, Amy said. “What happened, Jan?”

“There was a meteorite shower last night, right?” Jan explained. “All and the male race was wiped out.”

“OMG!”said Amy. “What about Bobby?” Bobby was her estranged husband.

“All gone,” said Jan sadly But inwardly she was happy, doing somersaults insides because she despised all and any men she came across.

Jan and Amy are both identical twins sisters with 2 minutes apart. Although Jan is the younger old twin and Amy the older one, sometimes she felt like the older twin due to her sage and wise advice. They got brown hair and had heterochromia, which meant they had different color eyes. They’ve lesbian parents, whose mother Lara got pregnant with them through one of her open relationships, which was still going on, but they’ve moved into a commune. Bobby and Amy had adorable identical six-year-old twin girls, Carla and Darla, who were away at an all-girls boarding school, Sweetcuffs Boarding School for Girls, which was run by women only- their motto was simply: Girls Rule; they’ve been there since pre-k. They were blond but also were hererochromia.

Jan despised all and any men because Amy had been having a lot of difficulty with men, and Amy always went to Jan to solace in the form of turning to the bottle-Amy was an alcoholic-or a shoulder to cry on when she couldn’t take it anymore or even when she felt drastic a couple months she attempted suicide. Jan thought Bobby was the scum of the earth for leaving poor Amy cause even when they were kids Amy was always clingy-she tended to lack self-esteem.

Jan herself was an accomplished career women, having open her own business in shoe design and was about to open a new café. Her short-term plan was to become her own boss. Next step was to have her own business. Thirdly, she wanted to expand it to a franchise.

Having designed shoes for all the major shoe companies and making a huge profit at it, she decided to aim higher-she wanted to design a specific shoe for multi-purposes like running, walking, etcera for women. Having designed the shoes and then having rejected by all the major shoe companies that are mostly run by men, she decided to form her own shoe company. She always did had this free-spirit attitude  about her, and no one can denied her that.

Anyway when she heard the news that men were depleted from the planet, outwardly she was sad but inwardly she was jubilant.

”Amy, Sweet Amy,” Jan whispered, hugging her close. “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not.” Amy replied. “I’ve got to call my girls. See if they’re alright,” hurrying off while drying her tears quickly on sleeve.

Amy ran off to a quiet place to make a call to  her darlings. Darla and Carla, her prides of her joy, were sheltered since babyhood, so they didn’t know about the catastrophe that laid ahead.

Said Amy to Carla, the eldest twin by 30 seconds; she sometimes seemed older than her six years, “Life will never be the same again.”

“What do you mean, mommy?” Carla asked worriedly.

“Just close to your sister-at all times,”

“But you got me so worried, mommy.” Carla cried. “Whatsamatter?”

“Okay, if I tell you, will you promise not to tell your sister. You know your sister won’t be able to handle it.”

“Okay, okay,” said Carla. “Now will you tell me?”

“The world, as we know it, has been depleted of mankind. There is no more male race from this moment on.”

“You gotta be kidding me!” said Carla both astonished and shocked.

“Yes, sweetheart, it is, without a doubt, the truth.”

“How’ll I be able to keep this secret from Darla? Carla agonized. “She’s been seeing this young man, Erik who is twelve. She thought Erik had stood her up.”

“Okay, if you must tell her, break it to her as gently as you could” Amy finally consented.

“What about Daddy?” Carla asked. “Is he alright?”

“No I’m afraid he’s not,” said Amy disappointedly. “He’s one of the many male casualties “

“Oh no!” Carla screamed into the phone. “Darla! Darla! Come quick! Daddy’s dead!”

“I’m back, Mom,” said Carla, sobbing. “What do you want us girls to do?” Both girls were close to their father, but Darla was the tomboy of the two-the son their father never had

“Just stay where you are-you girls are safe where you are,’ said Amy morosely.

While Amy was talking to her daughters, Jan was celebrating the coming of a new age. She brought the champagne out and was drinking to ‘love, joy and queendom of that is sweet! No more rotten boys to rot away at our core! Oh yeh this is the day to celebrate! Probably was struck down by the meteorite because they were killing each other through war, no more guys to beat us when we’re down, no more violence at the hands of those male chauvinistic pigs. Slimeballs! They deserve to die!”

At the moment her twin came back and heard the end of  Jan’s monologue. “THEY DESERVE TO DIE. HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING!?!” she screamed in tears.

“But you always have told boys gave you such grief,” Jan pointed out.

“It doesn’t mean I want them to die,” Amy cried.

“Okay, okay,” Jan relented. “You’ve always been boy-crazy, even when we were teens.”

“Boys may be a total turn-off for you, but I love my boys.”

“Wanna have a drink, sis?”

“Yes, please,” Amy replied. “How about vodka with OJ on the side? Thanks so much, baby.” She drank whenever there was pain involved to avoid dealing with emotional distress. In this case, she was stressing over losing guys.

Meanwhile Amy’s darling twins decided to come home due to the loss of twins’ father and Darla’s boyfriend Erik since they can’t even concentrate on their schoolwork. Actually, Sweetcuffs closed down temporarily because none of the girls could even concentrate because their fathers or male relatives had died in the meteorite shower.

Even though Amy’s twins were only six years old, they were able to take the train by themselves. They were arrived just as their aunt Jan was about to carry their sleeping mother upstairs. They saw the empty bottle of vodka and empty carton of orange juice, which so happens to be their mother’s favorite combination.

“Hush!” whispered Jan, carrying Amy upstairs. “Be right back. I’ll deal with you two in a moment.”

Jan carried her sister up the creaking stairs, cradling her in her arms. Amy’s long hair was falling nearly touching the carpet.

     When Jan reached Amy’s room, she placed her gently on her bed, brushing her damp hair back and kissing her forehead. “Amy, my dear girl,” Jan whispered oh-so-softly, “we’re better off without boys in our lives,” turning on the night light and leaving the door ajar, just the way she always had liked it (even she had kids of her own).

     As Jan came down the stairs, missing the creaking stairs this time around, she called out to her sister’s twins. “Carla, Darla!”

     “Hi Auntie Jan,” called Carla and Darla.

     “Why are you girls home?” Jan asked.

     Carla replied, “School’s closed. What happened to Mom?”

     “She’s just tired, had a long day, needs a nap.”

     “Did you do something to her?” Carla, the smarter one and the one who got right to the point, asked. “Is she drunk? “No, she’s not drunk,” said Jan dismissively. “She’s my sister. Why you little girls asked such questions? You don’t know anything about anything.”

     “Are you calling us stupid?” Darla finally spoke up.

     “No, stop putting words in my mouth,” said Jan

     “We see empty vodka and orange bottles lying around.” Carla insisted. “That’s Mom’s favorite combo.”

     “Okay, I give,” Jan said. “So I did get your mom good and drunk. That’s cause she was making a great fuss about the meteorite shower.”

     “That killed all of the male species,” said Darla. “Including our father and my boyfriend.”

     “I wouldn’t be surprised, Auntie Jan,” said Carla, “if you wish all of the men to be killed off.”

     “Me?” Jan said innocently. “I didn’t do anything.” As a matter of fact, she prayed for something to happen to the men of this world the night before. And lo and behold, something incredible did happen.

     “It is a known fact that you hate men, Auntie Jan,” said Darla. “You hate men so much, you’re a lesbian. You probably wish every living male species would be killed off, become endangered and whatnot.”

     “Alright,guys, I mean, girls, let’s make good of a bad situation.” Carla intervened. “Let’s not make do of what we got.”

     “But how can we survive without men, boys, whatever?” Darla asked

     “The way we always had,” Jan said. “We never need oversexed, sex-crazed, sports fanatics high-testosterone creeps in our lives, do we now?”

     “No I guess not,” Darla said.

     “They are the ones who cause this planet to be overpopulated, not us womenfolk. ‘Cause they enjoyed getting laid, not us. Our main goal is just to satisfy them.”     

     “Whatevs, Auntie Jan.” said Darla dismissively.

     “Alrighty, girls,” Carla said. “Let’s just call a truce.”

     “Okay, okay,” Darla said, “truce, shaking on it.”

     “Let’s agree to disagree, okay?” asked Jan, shaking her niece’s hand..

     “Okay,” said Darla.

     After agreeing to disagree and do more work teamwork and less fighting, they broke up into groups of four. True, there were only 3 people since Jan can’t even trust her own sister because of her drinking problem. But Jan had some connections being a top-notch criminal pro-bono lawyer for the defenseless. She contacted her go-to girl, Ira, who’s also her best friend and her paralegal and assistant to many of the politicos in their town of Honeycomb Beach, including the DA, Lana Osby

     “Hey girlfriend,” said Jan upon reaching her

     “Excuse me?” asked Ira. “Who is this?”

     “This is your bestie, Jan,” Jan replied.

     “Oh, it’s you,  no time to chat now,” said a flustered Ira “We’ve a crisis; everything’s chaotic here!”

     “That’s why I was calling,” said Jan. “I want to make things easier for you.”

     “I’m listenin’,” said Ira, taking 3 gulps of Vitaminwater.

     “There are no more male species, right?” said Jan. “What I’m thinkin’ is, we should get 4 girls and divide them up, North, South, East and West and have ‘em patrol the world. Got it?”

     “Got it! But what about my duties as an assistant to the DA?”

     “Leave it,” said Jan firmly. “We’ve got more important things to worry about.”

     “Okey dokey,” said Ira, “just lemme get my girls ready and I’m off.”

     “Your girls?” said Jan. “You mean your entourage?”

     “Yeah, that,” said Ira. “With that big task, I can’t go about it alone.”

“I see what you mean,” agreed Jan.“I guess you’re right. We divide into teams of 4 to go to North, South, East & West, okay? Sounds like a better plan?”

“Much,” said Ira. :Okay, break!”

“Let’s synchronize our watches when we’ll next meet.”

“Okay, let’s do it!”

After Jan told the twins the plan, they decided to get their friends together to form

form a group to survey the areas they’ve been assigned to watch over. The twins and their friends were to watch the Northern and Southern parts of the world while Jan and Ira and their friends were to patrol the Western and Eastern parts of the world.

After they synchronize their watches, they set off with their entourages to their assigned destinations. The twins went off separated for the first time evah, Carla and friends went off to the Northern part of the world while Darla and her groupies went off to the Southern part of the world. Ira and her friends decided they want to go to the Western part of the world while Jan and her friends had no choice but to choose the Eastern having all parts of the world already being chosen

At first, the twins were sad to leave each other but knew they would see each other very soon. They gave each other a long bear hug. Carla said, “Be careful out there, honey. Luv ya.”

“With all my hart,” said Darla.

“What’ll we do about Mom?”

“Just leave her here,” replied Jan. “She’ll be alright for a few hours. I already locked the liquor cabinet, so there’s no problem. Ready, girls?”

“Ready!” they chorused.

In the devastation was ginormous; everything was in total and complete chaos. All of womankind was stunned, stupefied. They can’t believe it. Jan and friends were in the Eastern part of the world and the devastation was terrible. Although it was a 3^rd world country, the people were mourning over their dead male relatives, whom they depended on for their livelihood. They women may be fieldhands, but the men provided the moolah. They did the heavy-duty work like chop wood, sell meat, etc, but without the men in their lives, how would they be able to survive?

In the Western part of the world, hearts were breakin’ everywhere. Even people with alternative lifestyles. They were mourning over male relatives, male companions, male friends. Nobody was celebrating, not even those loathsome man-haters. They acted like the world was ending, for pete’s sake. They just dropped dead in their tracks and cried as if the world had just ended. And in a way, the world had just ended.  Even on the street women were bawling their eyes out.  They didn’t care who saw them because everybody was crying anyways.

In the Southern part of the world, Darla’s area, where people were scant, there was not much to see but polar bears lookin’ for the young’uns aimlessly. Also, there were no men out to hunt and gather food in the jungle anymore, so the women have to fend for themselves with what they already had.

In the Northern part of the world, there was no more Santy Claus, only Mrs. Claus and what’s remaining of her female elves. So there’s no more Christmas. Also, there no more Eskimos men, Eskimo women. The Eskimo men did the hunting and gathering. Without men, the Eskimo women won’t be able to survive. Also, there’s no more Northern lights cos that was controlled by men.

When Carla and Darla and Jan and Ira rendezvoused at Jan’s place at the synchronized time, they reported that women were weak and needed male companionship.

“This is not so!” Jan said. “We could so do without male companionship. We need to send out a public service announcement that we can rise up without men; we do it without ‘em!”

“Yes!” the teen twins rose their fists high in the air together. “You go Auntie Jan!”

“Yes,” said Ira, “but you’re all talk and no action. We can send out a public broadcast announcement, but who would listen? Everybody everywhere is mourning for their lost one.”

“We can at least tried,” said Jan.

“I guess trying never hurt anyone,” said Ira reluctantly.

     “Remember our school’s motto: Girls Rule?” Carla asked.

     “Yeah,” said Darla slowly “What about it?”

     “My poor misguided sister,” said Carla sympathetically. “Well, now that all of male species are gone,” continued Carla, “we can put it into practice by showing those clingy girls that girls can do stuff even better than guys. 1000 folds better even!”

     “Yeah,” roared Darla. “That’s the ticket! Wegirls rock!”

    

     The teen twins and Jan and Ira sent out the PSA, via the WWW and doing old-school advertisements in all forms of media which included print, which included bulletin boards, magazines, bus stations & subways. Pretty soon all the advertisements were filled with the PSA. And the PSA on the WWW had gone viral. It said the following:

Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz!

Listen up. ladies!

You are not weak, fragile, clingy creatures-

you can do without men

Men just want us to satisfy their sexual urges!

Let’s be stronger that-

we can carry on without our male subordinates!

We are mighty than those L-O-S-E-R-S!

We need to regain our own respect for ourselves-

not depend on some Neanderthals!

this is not a X--rated advertisement

Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz! Girlz!

When all the women in the world got wind of this message, grrl did they realized the people-Carla and Darla and Ira and Jan- were right, so they decided to do something about it.

First off, the ladies of the world decided it wasn’t worth it to mourn over the loss of the male friends. Men, they thought, are just a buncha freeloaders and emotional excess baggage.

They could do things 1000 times better than men-those scumbags-could and they did.  In the East, the women following in the footsteps of the menfolk learned how to chop wood, sell meat. At first, it was oh-so-hard, then they got they got the hang off it.

Everyday is a work-in-progress.

Over in the West, that’s right, men are worthless, who needed them anyway? We can do things way better than ‘em any old day. It is called self-reliance. We don’t need no men to help us out. They never helped us when we asked ‘em to anyways. They’re really pathetic. What am I doing crying over ‘em anyways? I’m wasting my time crying over spilt milk. We can do things without worrying about consulting our guys. We can always have girls’ night our. Life is lookin’ up.

In the Northern and Southern parts of the world, the ladies went hunting. They knew how to do it cos they saw their men done it a million times before. Monkey do monkey see. Watching seemed easy, but actually doing it? Not so much. In the beginning, it was so hard. Since all the animals were all of the female species, it was much easier to catch. All you have to do was get the said animal away from its babies. If you got the babies first, then the mama animal will be furious.

The women hunters didn’t realize this till the end when they attacked the unguarded babies because it was easier, but the mama animal sensing danger hurrying back as quick as lightning. The women hunters, who were scared out of their wits, decided to try another day.

Next day, they tried again, only this time, they decided to aim their weapons, which were inherited from their male friends, at the mama animal. They decided to sneak up behind the mama animal

The headhunter, a woman named Carlita who had gone hunting with her husband, knew that you should attack the mama animal first. She also knew how to use a rifle.

“Quiet now, ladies,” Carlita whispered.

But one of them accidentally stepped on a twig. CRACK!

“Hush!” Carlita tried to hush the other ladies

But it was too late. The mama animal turned with a low growl.

“C’mon, somebody, shoot ‘er“ screamed Carlita, “before she gets us!”

All the women were panicking, running in every which way; only Carlita was left behind. There was no choice; it was up to her to shoot the mama animal. With nobody left but her to defend the mama animal-showing girls were a buncha wimps-she shot the mama animal right between the eyes, not knowing what hit her. After she shot the mama animal, she took the carcass, leaving behind the babies whining for their mother.

Back at camp, she called her so-called friends out. “You guys are a buncha wussies. You left me standing out there alone. You’re my back-up. Where were you guys when I needed you?”

“Looks to me you got the animal without our help.” Johanna pointed out.

“Yeah,” Carlita said. “But I could’ve gotten help with the babies. We could’ve used the babies to make clothes or something.”

Up in the North Pole, there was now no more Santy Claus. But there were all those female elves and Mrs. Claus.  Mrs. Claus oversaw the running of the kitchen. Usually, the female elves baked Christmas cookies and other Christmas goodies, which included fruitcakes of all kinds. Delectable! (That’s how Santa Claus was so heavy-set because he ate a lot of goodies all throughout the year!) The male elves usually made the presents for all those good girls and gave a bag of coal to the naughty ones while Santa Claus checked off whose been naughty or nice. (How does he do it? Is he like God or something?)

Now that there’s no more Santa Clause, Mrs. Claus must take over the duties that used to be used Santa Claus’. Not only must she coordinate the kitchen that baked the Christmas cookies and other Christmas goodies, she must also run the elves workshop that used to be run by male elves but now needed to be run by female elves. She gotta checked whose been naughty or nice; if they’ve been nice they’ve received their heart’s desires. On the other hand, if they’ve been naughty, they’ve only received a bag of coal. They’ve no choice, otherwisei there would be NO MORE CHRISTMAS! And we can’t have that, can we, now? Also, in order to replace Santy Claus on the sleigh, with the 7 reindeers herding them forward, she must deliver the presents to the good little girls (since there’s no more Santa Claus, imposter or the real deal­) since Santy Claus was male and all male species were wiped off the face of the earth.

The female ruler of world came about when the whole world voted for youngest teenage girls in the world, which so happened to be Carla and Darla. Since Carla clearly was the smarter one, and Darla the ditzy, perky one, Carla became the female ruler of the world with Darla being Carla’s sidekick.

The female ruler of the world abolished all prisons and replaced by reformatories and rehabilitation centers, where women can change their lives for the better. The female ruler turned all prisons into rehabs or reformatory. Prisoms may be a waste of taxpayers’ money, but reformatories and rehabilitation centers are court-appointed. If women broke the law, they have to go to reformatory. Or if they do drugs or cited for DUI, they must go to rehab. If girls up to adult age that would be 18 years of age, committed a crime, they would be sent to a reformatory for crimes other than doing drugs or underage drinking. But there are also adult reformatories, where women learn a trade or a skill free of charge- otherwise known as community college. But in this case, instructors from a community college were brought into teach these women.

     Population was controlled because no sex-crazed, testosterone-filled boy wanna boned up with some silly boy-crazy, two-timing, backstabbing girl. Before the meteorite shower, whenever boys made out with girls, and one led to another, they almost always ended up in each others’ beds. 9 out of 10 girls at the local high school from the upperclass were pregnant or have babies (8 out of 10 girls from the lower class have babies or pregnant), but the fathers were too irresponsible to own up to their mistakes. The parents have to kicked ‘em out or they have to take care of the babies on their own.

After the meteorite shower, however, there were no more boys, so no more hot, horny foreplay from the guys. To the girls who were already pregnant or already have babies, well, they’ll just have to deal. I mean, they never have the support of the baby daddy in the first place. They could handle it. They are made of tougher stuff than this. They don’t and won’t lead on any man for help.  They won’t break now. They gotta show a whole new generation of women that they can stand on their own two feet without relying on men to bailing ‘em out. They’re no damsel in distress, like ‘Woe is me.’ No siree. They’ll stand tall. They’ll survive-they’re survivors. I mean, who gave birth to ‘em? Us women did. We were in labor a million hours, ok that’s an exaggeration, maybe half a day.